iRealize
by xtremesweetness
Summary: Croctober fic challenge. Freddie's still not back from France and his friend's starting to loose it. Carly tries to wrestle with her inner feelings about Freddie. Maybe multi-chapter story...


**Title: iRealize**

**My sincerest apologies to the readers of iGot Invited and iKnow Your Stars. For 2 weeks we had our Foundation Day and we have to practice for our Hawaiian Dance. I was so tired from school that I didn't have time to write the next chapters. I'm really sorry. I just want to make this before continuing with my other stories. I must warn you that this chapter is pretty long and is about realizations based on Carly… as you might have inferred from the title. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this remarkably anticipated TV show and did not use this story for profit or any other purposes besides pleasure for both authors and readers.

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**Chapter 1: Realizations**

Another iCarly web show without our technical producer. This has been happening occasionally, for Freddie was traveling in France with his mom for personal reasons that he didn't mention. I must admit to myself that I have been going through a hard time not because of the reason that we didn't have our tech expert to lend a helping hand during live shows, but because I lost a dear friend who I know would listen to me and care even though others won't.

Sam was finally finished decapitating our turkey, and is now off to her speed devil mom waiting outside the Bushwell Plaza. Spencer was already taking a well-deserved bubble bath with Mr. Quackers. And now, I'm all alone, sans the ticking of the clock at then wall. I was used to have Freddie here beside me and tell me stories; no matter how much ridiculous it is, I'll gladly listen to him as he did to me countless times. I just simply adore it when he'll flash a smile and tell me that he was amused with me or give me a friendly advice. It has been three months; three dreadful months without my dear friend. And I think I'm starting to loose it.

For the first two weeks without Freddie, everything was fine. iCarly was going as smooth as usual because of him tutoring both me and Sam about his equipment before his departure. Freddie gave an awful lot of directions, especially to Sam who he would suspect to trash his tech stuff or lick his new camera. Speaking about Sam, she found a new guy to torture, so she was as always in her cruel self. There was nothing wrong until the days without that lanky guy continued.

Three weeks later, my mouth craved for someone to talk to besides Sam. I needed a guy listener, especially now that my grades are starting to slip, and my relationship with a certain boy at school wasn't going as well as I hoped it would. Because of my desperateness, I poured it all to Gibby, who wasn't the least responsive. Sure, Gibby is a good acquaintance or maybe a great friend to me. But he was no Freddie.

A few weeks has past. A week flew by another. Everyday when I'll go out of the apartment, I solemnly wish that my neighbor's door would open too, and he'll wave at me and offer something to eat, or walk me to the school bus since we're both going the same way. And while going down the stairs we'll talk some more. About his thing or my thing, I don't really care. The sound of his voice gave me comfort, and that is the perfect remedy for my situation.

I remember the day when we first met. Spencer and I were moving to Bushwell. Spencer instructed me to find our room as he made certain arrangements down at the lobby. I'd like to stress that Lewbert was not the doorman at that time. If only I knew that horrible man would be the new doorman, I probably convinced my father not to move in here. But my life would also change if I didn't live here. I would never have met Freddie and even Sam who deliberately led the course of my life.

And as a naïve girl I was, I glided across the well-lit hallways of Bushwell. I had a glimpse of fascination at the vases and decorations I have seen as I walked past them, but I tried to absorb the reality that I was lost and have not a single speck of idea where I was going. I went to the elevator, and as I said that I was a simple-minded girl back then, it took me a few seconds to appreciate the beauty of the elevator before going in. I cursed under my breath that no one was in the elevator to assist me. I even thought that I should drop at the suggestion box that this place should have guys that offer their assistance. At the fourth floor, the elevator stopped. The door slid open, revealing a boy about my age standing before me. His innocent brown eyes flickered and he entered and pushed the number of the floor he wanted to stop at, giving much distance between me and him. I noticed already that he was a shy boy, for he avoided any eye contact with me and continued to look at his left side. We were silent for the whole trip for we were the only passengers at that time. He must've been aware that I can't stop peering at him and took in his physical features; brown hair, brown eyes, slender body, pale skin… I served the conclusion that maybe in a few days we'll see each other again, and this time he'll know how to act.

We arrived at the 19th floor. I heard a soft ding and the door slid again, giving us entry. The boy quickly made his exit, which made him more mysterious to me. I would have none of it, I ran to him, taking in deep breaths and said, "Hi, I –um, uh, sorry to bother you but can you please tell me where the room 1911 is? I'm kinda lost and I'll appreciate it very much if you'll help me."

I can still remember the astonished look on his face. "Oh. Room 1911? That must be the room right across mine." My hear skip a beat. This guy would actually be my neighbor! "You know if you want, you can come with me and I'll lead you to your room." Even as a child, he possessed one of the most irresistible smiles that got a girl melting in front of his feet. I tried many years not to show it with much success. I grinned back. When we were about to turn away I said, "By the way, my name's Carly. Carly Shay.""Oh. Well, I'm Fredward Benson. But call me Freddie. It sounds much more welcoming." I nodded. Something in the pit of my gut tells me that Freddie sounds better than Fredward. And that's how we met…

He was cute when he was 10. I couldn't help but giggle at the thought. But now, he looked nothing like the Freddie I used to remember when we were little. He's not the buff/jock type of guy, but he certainly grew a couple of muscles and burned his baby fat. His voice got lower, another reason for Sam to taunt him and made an assumption that even dorks go through puberty. Personality changes occurred too. He doesn't blab about anything, especially computers nowadays. He's much more of a good listener as I've stated before. He's not much of a stalker as he used to be. And now, I'm missing it all.

He used to be there, even though when I didn't need him. That's what friends are for, right? Being there when a person didn't even need you the most? Well, that's what real friendship is to me. If you don't agree with me, then I guess you're right. Not all people have the same opinions as I do. So does Freddie, though he agrees with me most of the time. I know that deep beneath his heart, he sometimes wants to oppose to my decisions, but never had the heart to tell me so. He's a sensitive guy, one of the qualities that I like about him. But maybe once in his life, I do hope that he'll let the cat out of the bag; express himself and not to devote all of himself to me. I know that he likes me; sometimes I'm too aware of it. Sam once said teasingly that his life's purpose was only to please me. I have to agree with her sometimes. There are moments when things like that would happen…

I can't understand myself. I've been trying hard to cope without my best friend. But with each passing second that he's not with me, it only made much harder to do. I hang out with Sam and other boys constantly to get my mind off him. I even tried to get a new boyfriend just to cope with my "Freddie-Loneliness." But none of my methods seem to work. In fact, it only drew me more to think about him.

Maybe the love quotes I used to read are right. Distances make relationships stronger or more intense than ever. But I never knew that it would be true in my case. I wonder if he's thinking about me right now? What if he isn't? What if he got tired of me turning him down? What if he found someone else? What if he found someone more caring and reciprocates his feelings? Ugh! All this 'what if's' are giving me a headache. I roamed around the room and headed towards the kitchen for caffeine. I know Spencer doesn't give me actual coffee, but anything is better than nothing.

But still. The thought of Freddie ignoring me for the rest of my life was still striking me painfully. Then again, why should I care? Freddie isn't actually the only boy in this world. There are many fishes in the sea! And I shouldn't be talking like Freddie's my property. And I shouldn't be upset about this! My stomach feels painful. The other side of my head keeps on screaming, "How can someone bear the thought of losing someone that you never even had?" Was this how Freddie felt when he saw me around other guys?

I can't let Spencer hear me moaning at the living room. My room wouldn't be much help either. I'd probably end up crying myself to sleep. Wait. I don't know if I can even sleep because of my previous caffeine intake. The shower's taken too. The only thing that's available was outside; in front of the Benson residence. Considering that no one was home, I decided to give it a try.

I twirled the knob and the door creaked open and I closed it gently. I pressed my back at the door for a minute and stared at the other door in front of me. Tears sprang to my eyes; I never felt this lonely before. It's like I'm a puzzle, and he's the missing piece. Am I really in love? If I am, then it took me three months away from him to realize that…

I waited for the door in front of me to open and slide. And then I'll see him wave at me and tell me if there's something bothering me. My eyes are getting watery. Maybe this isn't the best place to be right now…

I glanced at the wooden door one last time and glided away when a familiar voice stopped me dead on my tracks. "Carly?"

It sounded that it came from my left side. I turned to see if my conclusions were right…

And there he was, standing at the turning point of the hallway. Grinning like never before, his eyes shone like a thousand suns. "Hey," he said simply.

I can't believe it! "Freddie?"

Freddie's back?!? I rubbed my eyes again and his smile grew even wider. He really is here! Freddie IS back!!!

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**Sorry if the whole thing wasn't that exciting much. I don't consider myself as a brilliant writer so don't expect much. I wish you certainly did not find my writing style to be broing or annoying or both. xD If there are any typographical/spelling and grammar errors, please tell me so I can improve in my writing. Beta read if ya like!**

**This was really intended for the Croctober fic challenge and October is by far ending, so I do hope I'm not too late. There's another chapter to go and it's all about Carly dealing with her feelings 'bout Freddie. Sorry to the Seddie fans. But do you want me to continue? Also, please read my other stories and reviews are greatly appreciated. Please feed the author! Reviews make me more enthusiastic to write. I assume this goes to the other authors as well… :D**


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